Leavers vs. Stayers
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A close friend of mine was raised by a mom who had one firm rule: you don’t quit what you start. Not piano lessons. Not soccer. Not the miserable summer job he hated.
Decades later, he’s spent most of his career in long tenures — ten years at one company, eight at another. He was taught to endure. And he does.
He’s a stayer.
And I’m not.
Over the years, I’ve come to see that many of us fall loosely into two career archetypes: the leavers and the stayers.
Leavers walk away. When they’ve done what they came to do, when misalignment creeps in, when the mission no longer feels like theirs, they go. It can look impulsive. Sometimes reckless. But for most leavers I know, it’s rooted in something deeper: a fierce internal clarity. This isn’t mine anymore.
Stayers endure. They weather bad managers, strategy shifts, reorgs, and leadership changes. They dig in when things get hard. Sometimes too long. Sometimes just long enough to shape what comes next.
Neither is better. But each comes with a cost, and a different currency of growth.
Leavers: Pros and Pitfalls
Leavers are often builders. They show up with energy, ideas, urgency. They catalyze change. They’re clear-eyed about when things no longer fit — and they’re willing to act on that clarity.
Their reward? Speed. Reinvention. Perspective. Every new role, company, or context teaches them something that old systems often can’t.
But the risk is real. Leave too soon and you miss the deeper learnings — the slow trust, the long-game outcomes, the political capital that only accrues over time. Some leavers get addicted to novelty. They confuse discomfort with misfit. They walk away before they’re tested—before they build the muscle of working through conflict or enduring a hard stretch without jumping ship.
Questions for leavers:
Am I running from something, or toward something?
Have I truly done what I came to do, or just hit friction?
Is this pain a sign I’ve outgrown the role, or that I’m growing in it?
What might I learn if I stayed through this next phase?
Stayers: Pros and Pitfalls
Stayers are stabilizers. They make the culture, carry the torch, hold the history. They don’t flinch when things get hard — they dig in. They’re often the ones who keep a company grounded through chaos.
Their reward? Influence. Mastery. A reputation you can only earn by showing up over and over again. Stayers see how things play out. They’re still standing when the dust clears.
But staying has a cost, too. Loyalty can turn into inertia. Endurance into avoidance. Some stayers tell themselves it’s about commitment, but deep down, they’re afraid of change. Afraid to risk what they’ve earned. Afraid to bet on something new.
Questions for stayers:
Am I still learning, or just looping?
If I were offered this job today, would I take it?
What am I afraid I’d lose by leaving?
Is this commitment or is it fear dressed up as loyalty?
Choose Consciously
Both paths can be powerful. Both can be traps. The difference isn’t whether you stay or go — it’s why.
The most self-aware people I know don’t cling to one identity. They don’t say, “I always leave,” or “I never quit.” They pause. They ask the harder question: Who do I want to become next? What is the next right thing for me?
Sometimes the brave move is to stay. To be still. To do the boring work. To finish what you started.
And sometimes the brave move is to go. To let go of what no longer fits. To stop trying to fix something that isn’t fixable. To allow yourself to evolve.
The real work is choosing. Not defaulting. Not drifting. Not enduring out of habit or leaving out of fear.
The real work is knowing who you are — and deciding who you want to be next.
I like that you’ve positioned this as situational (i.e. you can pivot between the two). Though I trend toward being a leaver and have been working on owning that I burn bright, if brief. Thanks for laying it out like this, Molly!